I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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