Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
