About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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