Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
