I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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