Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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