great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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