Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
