Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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