my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
