Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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