She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
