Say something about gay babies.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Drunk is not a location!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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