It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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