With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
a search helicopter?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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