I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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