new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
