Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
