You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize