It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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