Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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