Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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