You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
