I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
