I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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