I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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