dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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