he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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