I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
