I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
