just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
