My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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