Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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