I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
