We're facebook friends in real life
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
