My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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