I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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