Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
