Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
