I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I love you. Go after that dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
