last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We need to get me chipped asap
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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