I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
