Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Boobs are out for the taking
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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