Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
