remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
