Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
