Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
