i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
