I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
