if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
