Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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