the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
