I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
