the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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