He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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