Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
