i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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