Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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