I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
