how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
