i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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