And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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