Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
