last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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