I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
